Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
