Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My dick has a subreddit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
