I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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