i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize