How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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