I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
