I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
