I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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