Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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