She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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