The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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