What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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