I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
