i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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