tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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