my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize