just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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