im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
