Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
