I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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