She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
