Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
