Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize