Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize