If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize