A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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