Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
