Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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