It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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