I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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