he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
