Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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