Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
