Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
