You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
