New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When are your genitals available?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
