My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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