I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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