I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
