I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
