I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
