my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
