DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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