Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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