I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
