I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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