He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
