awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize