just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
