So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
