I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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