soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
