Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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