I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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