Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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