I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
