I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
