its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
