what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
