You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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