And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
