C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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